Rules

Rules of thumb when searching for an apartment: When they sign “best”, expect the worst. When they sign “cheers”, it’s not too cheery. The better the location, the crappier the apartment. Columbus and Central Park West, 60’s to 80’s are worst offenders. Check records for bedbug reports. When the ad shows a street sign or photo of the park but not of apt, forget it! When the building provides complementary shuttle transportation to subway and bus stops, it should also provide a bulletproof vest and police escort. When you see canned photos of wax museum replica of doorman, stuffed animals and a bimbo with big implants squatting over a yoga mat, forget it. Avoid captions with @@@@*****!!!!!WOW!!!! and indecipherable abbreviations.