Sure Enough

Welcome to my search for happiness and sanity in a city that is crazier than I ever imagined.

Whoever said "If I can make it there, I'll make it anywhere" wasn't kidding.







Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Poltergeist in the Afternoon

There were very weird goings on in my apartment this afternoon. The TV was on channel 7 because Aissata wanted to watch the (always bad) local news. Suddenly the channel changed and we were watching Friends. Neither of us were anywhere near the remote control. Neither one of us touched the cable box or the set. We looked at each other, perplexed. Then we laughed. Is this some kind of sign? Am I being haunted by a ghost that hates watching the news?

I thought the Botox injections to my arm and leg would be the highlight of the day. A few minutes later my land line kept ringing and there was nobody on the other end. Is this a Time Warner New Years surprise or something out of Poltergeist? I wish the ghost could have acted a half hour earlier; I would have preferred to watch Seinfeld.  What next? Stay tuned. . .

Happy New Year!

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Better Luck Tomorrow

"It's not what you look at that matters. It's what you see." ~ Henry David Thoreau

Who am I to compete with Thoreau?  If you were to look at me right now, who would you see?  I see myself as someone with a major case of writers block, trying unsuccessfully to write something remotely interesting today.

 Sometimes it's better not to be seen.

Monday, December 29, 2014

On Hold Again with Partners In Care (they really don't)

I'll probably be on hold until New Years Eve. This organization should be called Partners Don't Care About Anything Except Keeping You On Hold. I think they try to keep you on hold, hoping you'll hang up in disgust, or forget why you called them in the first place. It almost worked on me. I should have realized that everyone I need to speak to is on vacation this week. All this drama over a home health aide that I no longer need on weekends because I'm finally able to be by myself. All weekend I was thinking, "Free At Last!" It felt great to be alone, binge watching a Breaking Bad marathon without having the stress of having to entertain an unwelcome guest. (She showed up anyway and I had to send her home. I thought it had been taken care of last week, but surprise, surprise, it wasn't!)

Friday, December 26, 2014

Words to Live By

"What I have learned is that when you are sick, much of healing is in the hands of doctors and science, but part of it is finding and using your own power." -Diane von Furstenberg

Thursday, December 25, 2014

The Lost Two Commandments For Jewish People Everywhere

Eleventh commandment: Thou shall go to the movies or to a casino on December 25th.
Twelfth commandment: Thou shall order takeout or delivery from your favorite local Chinese restaurant following your visit to the movies or casino on December 25th.

Merry Christmas!

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Spending Christmas Eve Eve on Hold

I have been on hold with Partners In Care for a half hour, and the timer on my land line is still going strong. Whoever invented the speaker phone was probably on perpetual hold. Thank heavens I can type or read or do something constructive while I wait for them to pick up the line. If that ever happens. And the soothing music is anything but. Perhaps calling on Christmas Eve Eve isn't the best idea, but I have to find out what the heck happened with my weekend home health aide. Apparently the insurance company feels that I simply don't need her anymore. Partners In Care is irony at its finest. Ideally they should be called Partners Don't Care, or Partners Who Put You On Hold Forever While They Finish Their Christmas Shopping. 

On the bright side, maybe it won't be so terrible to have some time to myself.   Life is too short. . .

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Holiday Inspiration

When I gave Junior the following Christmas poem in December 2001, he said “Forget law- you’re a writer!”  It was one of the happiest moments of my life.

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS (special “is that all you got” version)

‘Twas the night before Christmas,
And at Junior’s place
Not a creature was sober
It was a disgrace

The condoms and sex toys
Sat next to his beer
As he waited for “titties and ass”
To come near

His golf clubs were placed by
The doorway with care
In case of his having to
Bolt out of there

When what to his bionic eyes
Should appear
But a giant red sleigh filled with
Pizza and beer

With a little old driver
So lively and quick
He knew in a moment it must be
St. Nick

More rapid than eagles, those bottles
They came
And he whistled, and shouted, and
Called them by name

“Now, Guinness!
Now, Heine!
Corona and Coors!

On, Miller!
On, Amstel!
Budweisers are yours!

Come, Fosters and Moosehead
This party is fine!”
And just to be safe
He brought lite beer and wine


To the top of the porch,
To the top of the wall!
Now, drink away, drink away,
Drink ‘till you fall!”

And giving a nod, up
The chimney he rose
As he shouted to Junior
“Start banging your ho’s”

He left with a chuckle
But was way out of order
‘Cause while he was there
Santa rigged his camcorder

Junior heard him exclaim as he drove
Through the night:
“Merry Christmas to all,
See ya’ on the web site!”


I guess that wasn’t all I had! Merry Christmas!  



Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Starbucks, Hanukkah, and Holiday Gift

Because tonight is the first night of Hanukkah, I decided to splurge and was rewarded with the most unusual misspelling of my name ever in the history of my Starbucks addiction.  Today the barista wrote the name "Sherrya" on my Venti Pumpkin Spice Latte cup, in exquisite handwriting. She drew a pretty heart as an added bonus. The cup looked so nice I didn't really mind her mistake.  I can't believe that I bought a gift card so I could try to win that contest, Starbucks for Life.  If I am lucky enough to win (dream on), I wonder how they'll spell my name on the card. Upon reading the fine print, I noticed that it isn't really for life; it's only for thirty years. After the expiration of thirty years, do they send someone out to kill you?

I surprised Aissata, my home health aide, with a holiday gift. I sent a pair of earrings to myself and asked her to open the envelope for me. Inside was a note  thanking her for everything she does for me. The expression on her face, a combination of happiness and shock, was priceless.  We both had tears in our eyes. It was a moment that neither of us will forget. In my hundred forty eight years of gift giving, I have never felt this good about a gift.  It made me wonder if my reaction was so powerful because of everything I've been through in the past three years.

Saturday, December 13, 2014

Wasted Thirty Seconds of My Life That I'm Never Getting Back

I just saw a commercial that showed a line up of random looking men parading outdoors, without their pants, while wearing Depends. It encouraged men without bladder control problems to mimic this bizarre behavior in an effort to show solidarity for men that need to wear them. What's next? Designer Depends? A show at New York Fashion week? What were they thinking? Are they going to make matching tee shirts with slogans like SAY IT LOUD: INCONTINENT AND PROUD? Ad agency's next campaign: VIAGRA IS THE NEW BLACK. In what alternative universe is incontinence something to broadcast? I can't believe that someone actually got paid for this idea. This is a prime example of why it's better to record all shows and fast forward through the commercials.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

WTF, Amazon?!

Early this morning while scanning through my email, I happened upon this gem from the folks at Amazon.com:


Re: Coupons on My iPhone for Seniors (Covers iOS 8 for iPhone 6/6 Plus, 5S/

Dear cheryl,
Amazon.com has new coupon recommendations for you based on items you have recently viewed. 

 I have no idea what the heck gave them the idea that this coupon applied to me.  Perhaps they read my comment about being the only person under the age of senility without a smart phone. Or maybe that I referred to them as "folks", which might be construed as an elderly person's word. I was viewing books on life coaching; I never viewed any items remotely resembling an iPhone. If I had viewed the item, I certainly wouldn't admit to being a senior, because I'm not a senior. Judging from my past vain and sometimes shallow behavior, I'll probably never admit to being a senior even when I truly am a card carrying member of the AARP generation. Thanks a lot, Amazon. Could you be any more insulting?

On a more positive note, today I am wearing my forest green Ralph Lauren sweater that I bought a few years ago from the RL little girls' store. (The only real benefit from being flat chested is being able to buy great sweaters at a fraction of the cost of women's sizes!). This is the first time that I have worn a real sweater since I had the stroke. I've been wearing hoodies and the occasional turtleneck from Gap.  I put on my tiny gold hoop earrings and my favorite scent. "I feel almost human," I said jokingly to Aissata, my home health aide.

Best of all, today I walked, without my cane, around my apartment, for the first time. Aissata at my side.  It felt marvelous!

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Madonna or Elaine Benes? Only My Mirror Knows for Sure!

I love music and have always loved to dance.  I try to dance around in my apartment at least once a day. I'm glad that I never had kids, because no doubt I would humiliate them. I hope I still have rhythm. I'd hate think I was dancing while everyone else thought I was having a seizure. In my mind, I dance like J-Lo or Madonna. I pray the stroke didn't turn me into Elaine Benes from Seinfeld. I'd settle for slightly talented,  or even slightly above average, with my former sense of rhythm. I don't want to make a fool of myself. (I do enough of that already.) Until I find out for sure, I'm going to stick to dancing around my apartment!

Sunday, December 7, 2014

I Have A Dumb Phone

I feel like I am the only person left under the age of ninety who still has a flip phone. It isn't a smart phone, but rather a prehistoric dumb phone that embarrasses me every time it rings.  I'm afraid to get a smart phone for fear I might drop it out of my one good hand. Not to mention I can't text or take selfies, or post photos to Instagram. Until I regain full use of my right hand, I'm going to start telling people that my dumb  phone is a future antique, and the estimated value is priceless!

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

In Memory of Homer on the Anniversary of His Passing

Rest in Peace, dear friend. You will be in my heart forever. I miss you every minute of every single day. You were the best gift of my life. There will never be another Homer. I love you, and I always will.  It was a privilege being your mom. xxxxxxxxxx

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Inquiry of the Day

Why do people who conclude their unimaginative, phony, form emails with the word "best" inevitably turn out to be the worst? What does that even mean? Are they saying they're the best? Judging from their lack of creativity, I doubt it. Do they wish the best for me? I don't think so. They don't even know me. I'd rant about it, but it's not worth the effort.