“The Arbitration” An Epic Haiku

Plaintiff’s lawyer asks
“Do you have an extra pen?”
Answers cell; strike one

How can he be so
Ludicrously unprepared?
He just burped- strike two

Defendant objects
Plaintiff has interpreter
Language is unknown

Plaintiff’s lawyer reeks
He’s an open collared slob
Bad cologne-strike three

Plaintiff hit by car
His English is not that bad
Fascinating tale

Brother came to scene
“Do you have car insurance?”
He saw dollar signs

Plaintiff lawyer’s tie
Hideous polyester
White socks, black sneaks…Gah!

Dear Lord, what a schlub
He must be single because
Who would sleep with that?

Defense testifies
He is looking right at me
Wishing he could leave

Mumbling Arabic,
Plaintiff bit Defendant’s ear
Defendant afraid

Tried to call the cops
Plaintiff’s counsel picks his nose
Then scratches his ear

Plaintiff’s cross exam
Defense says “I’m not to blame.”
White socks blinding me

It’s twelve thirty five
Great lunchtime entertainment
Except for his tie

“White Socks” rambles on
Many objections sustained
He’s getting nowhere

Getting bored, I note
He looks like Barney Rubble
I try not to laugh

Will this ever end?
Defendant produces field logs
Whatever they are

Plaintiff did bite him
A modern day version of
Arabic justice?

Closing argument
Interpreter is here but
Hasn’t said a thing

Final inquiry:
What about the bitten cheek-
Where’s the counter claim?

This has gone too long
Tossing papers, talking law
As our stomachs growl

Moral of the case
Jersey drivers can get bit
When they hit a man