Wanted: Angry Man with Bad Attitude
Requirements: The ideal candidate must be fluent in Ferris Buehler, with an ample portfolio of excuses for every occasion. We are looking for an energetic individual who can take an entire afternoon to wander about the City under the guise of carelessly performing the ½-hour task of bringing back a plethora of useless and irrelevant documents. Must be able to turn a normal situation requiring next-day response into an emergency which requires sudden office departure at 4 p.m. Must have the agility to slip out of the office frequently, wearing telephone headset, to manage personal matters from the men’s room, coupled with the chutzpah to confirm that it’s office related. To fulfill your duty to increase non-productive office time, you must be able to smile while you impede company progress, provide sketchy information, and halt the learning curves of your co-workers. Loyalty not required. Communication skills are essential; we are eager to understand your disappointment for failure to receive your well-deserved promotion to CEO. We will only accept resignations via fax or post-it-note, preferably at times when we need you the most. After you provide your cowardly, ill-timed two weeks notice, we’ll buy you lunch and throw you a friggin' parade. Special consideration will be given to passive aggressive individuals, used car salespersons, televangelists and producers of infomercials.
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