When I gave Junior the following Christmas poem in December 2001, he said “Forget law- you’re a writer!” It was one of the happiest moments of my life.
THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS (special “is that all you got” version)
‘Twas the night before Christmas,
And at Junior’s place
Not a creature was sober
It was a disgrace
The condoms and sex toys
Sat next to his beer
As he waited for “titties and ass”
To come near
His golf clubs were placed by
The doorway with care
In case of his having to
Bolt out of there
When what to his bionic eyes
Should appear
But a giant red sleigh filled with
Pizza and beer
With a little old driver
So lively and quick
He knew in a moment it must be
St. Nick
More rapid than eagles, those bottles
They came
And he whistled, and shouted, and
Called them by name
“Now, Guinness!
Now, Heine!
Corona and Coors!
On, Miller!
On, Amstel!
Budweisers are yours!
Come, Fosters and Moosehead
This party is fine!”
And just to be safe
He brought lite beer and wine
To the top of the porch,
To the top of the wall!
Now, drink away, drink away,
Drink ‘till you fall!”
And giving a nod, up
The chimney he rose
As he shouted to Junior
“Start banging your ho’s”
He left with a chuckle
But was way out of order
‘Cause while he was there
Santa rigged his camcorder
Junior heard him exclaim as he drove
Through the night:
“Merry Christmas to all,
See ya’ on the web site!”
I guess that wasn’t all I had! Merry Christmas!
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