Poltergeist in the Afternoon

There were very weird goings on in my apartment this afternoon. The TV was on channel 7 because Aissata wanted to watch the (always bad) local news. Suddenly the channel changed and we were watching Friends. Neither of us were anywhere near the remote control. Neither one of us touched the cable box or the set. We looked at each other, perplexed. Then we laughed. Is this some kind of sign? Am I being haunted by a ghost that hates watching the news?

I thought the Botox injections to my arm and leg would be the highlight of the day. A few minutes later my land line kept ringing and there was nobody on the other end. Is this a Time Warner New Years surprise or something out of Poltergeist? I wish the ghost could have acted a half hour earlier; I would have preferred to watch Seinfeld.  What next? Stay tuned. . .

Happy New Year!

Better Luck Tomorrow

"It's not what you look at that matters. It's what you see." ~ Henry David Thoreau

Who am I to compete with Thoreau?  If you were to look at me right now, who would you see?  I see myself as someone with a major case of writers block, trying unsuccessfully to write something remotely interesting today.

 Sometimes it's better not to be seen.

On Hold Again with Partners In Care (they really don't)

I'll probably be on hold until New Years Eve. This organization should be called Partners Don't Care About Anything Except Keeping You On Hold. I think they try to keep you on hold, hoping you'll hang up in disgust, or forget why you called them in the first place. It almost worked on me. I should have realized that everyone I need to speak to is on vacation this week. All this drama over a home health aide that I no longer need on weekends because I'm finally able to be by myself. All weekend I was thinking, "Free At Last!" It felt great to be alone, binge watching a Breaking Bad marathon without having the stress of having to entertain an unwelcome guest. (She showed up anyway and I had to send her home. I thought it had been taken care of last week, but surprise, surprise, it wasn't!)

Words to Live By

"What I have learned is that when you are sick, much of healing is in the hands of doctors and science, but part of it is finding and using your own power." -Diane von Furstenberg

The Lost Two Commandments For Jewish People Everywhere

Eleventh commandment: Thou shall go to the movies or to a casino on December 25th.
Twelfth commandment: Thou shall order takeout or delivery from your favorite local Chinese restaurant following your visit to the movies or casino on December 25th.

Merry Christmas!

Spending Christmas Eve Eve on Hold

I have been on hold with Partners In Care for a half hour, and the timer on my land line is still going strong. Whoever invented the speaker phone was probably on perpetual hold. Thank heavens I can type or read or do something constructive while I wait for them to pick up the line. If that ever happens. And the soothing music is anything but. Perhaps calling on Christmas Eve Eve isn't the best idea, but I have to find out what the heck happened with my weekend home health aide. Apparently the insurance company feels that I simply don't need her anymore. Partners In Care is irony at its finest. Ideally they should be called Partners Don't Care, or Partners Who Put You On Hold Forever While They Finish Their Christmas Shopping. 

On the bright side, maybe it won't be so terrible to have some time to myself.   Life is too short. . .

Holiday Inspiration

When I gave Junior the following Christmas poem in December 2001, he said “Forget law- you’re a writer!”  It was one of the happiest moments of my life.

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS (special “is that all you got” version)

‘Twas the night before Christmas,
And at Junior’s place
Not a creature was sober
It was a disgrace

The condoms and sex toys
Sat next to his beer
As he waited for “titties and ass”
To come near

His golf clubs were placed by
The doorway with care
In case of his having to
Bolt out of there

When what to his bionic eyes
Should appear
But a giant red sleigh filled with
Pizza and beer

With a little old driver
So lively and quick
He knew in a moment it must be
St. Nick

More rapid than eagles, those bottles
They came
And he whistled, and shouted, and
Called them by name

“Now, Guinness!
Now, Heine!
Corona and Coors!

On, Miller!
On, Amstel!
Budweisers are yours!

Come, Fosters and Moosehead
This party is fine!”
And just to be safe
He brought lite beer and wine


To the top of the porch,
To the top of the wall!
Now, drink away, drink away,
Drink ‘till you fall!”

And giving a nod, up
The chimney he rose
As he shouted to Junior
“Start banging your ho’s”

He left with a chuckle
But was way out of order
‘Cause while he was there
Santa rigged his camcorder

Junior heard him exclaim as he drove
Through the night:
“Merry Christmas to all,
See ya’ on the web site!”


I guess that wasn’t all I had! Merry Christmas!  

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