At Least He's Sorry

Spam in response to my Craigslist post:
"If you have not found an apartment yet, or are about to move into your apartment. We have appliances like refrigerators, washers, dryers, stoves starting at just 100 dollars and we can deliver it anywhere in NJ, Parts of NY and parts of PA. If your interested give me a call 000-888-7428. We also sell furniture thats priced lower than anything you will find in the furnitures stores. If you are interested get back to me i will send you the link to our website so you can see what is available. If your not in need of anything right now than sorry to bother you."
 At least he's sorry!

The Funniest Response Yet

Speaking of monkeys, I posted another ad: $1995 Hoping to be ex-neighbor of Neanderthal/baboon needs UWS apt. ASAP (Upper West Side) I have income requirements sufficient for this price range, tax returns, pay stubs, proof that I have been at same job for 5 years, and letters of recommendation. I have lived and rented same NYC apt for 5 years and must leave because a Neanderthal/baboon moved in next door and I'm tired of hearing baboon music, thudding, and horrifying sounds of 24/7 baboon loving. (if he can get some, there is hope for ANYONE).. I cannot provide credit check due to identity theft and security concerns. Seeking quiet, quality prewar studio or 1 bedroom apartment in well maintained building with live in super, light, and ample closets. I am decent, responsible person with not-so- good luck in neighbors. Response to baboon ad: Hey Baboon's neighbor,  I'm sorry if my mother in law was getting on your nerves. She gets on my nerves too. I have a 1 bedroom that I'd like 1250 for. Please call me at ********6. It's on 117th street. Thanks a lot! -Eli Eli, you made my day!

Happy New Year-1970

I just posted this real ad-get a load of the date: $2000 Quiet Studio or 1 Bedroom Wanted-Upper West Side (Upper West Side) Date: 1969-12-31, 7:33PM EST Single female looking for Quiet studio or 1 bedroom, Upper West side; good closets, good light; Doorman or at least elevator; on site super; prewar preferred. good management company. Brokers are not welcome. I will NOT pay a fee. I wonder how long it will be before that gets fixed. I can travel back in time, post an ad on Craigs List before Craigs List even existed, but I can’t find an apartment. . . Here’s the first response, from a broker who either refuses to read, is unable to read, or does not speak English. Hi there, I was very attracted to your ad posted on CL  titled, "2000 Quiet Studio or 1 Bedroom Wanted". I think I can definitely help you with your search. I am a licensed broker for Manhattan Apartments- one of the major brokerage firms in NYC. We have a huge listing of apartments in all around the city. Some questions for you:When is your moving date exactly?2. Would you consider other areas as well?3. Do  you have any strictly preference on elevator, doorman or other criteria?Anyway, I am going to send the url of our website, where you can do initial search: http://www.manhattanapts.com/rentals/index.php If you like something you see, PLEASE direct your call to me, and I will put together the list and get out to show you the apartments. Thanks,Sonny.  Is this guy nuts? Maybe this is from a trained chimpanzee. Dear genius, what part of my ad did you not understand? I’m supposed to let you get commission if I search? There’s no chance I’ll be disappointed with the viewing. I’m already disappointed with your email.

Happy Birthday To Me!

Two more “Are you still looking for a rental?” are you still looking for a rental? No, I’m just posting ads, waiting to receive stupid responses like yours. did you already find a location? Did you have to go to grad school to come up with that question?

"Hullo"

They won’t call me back to look at Trump Riverside apt, but are inviting the rat: From what I’ve heard about that building, he won’t be the first one living there! I have a gorgeous studio at Trump Place (71st & Riverside). Please let me know if you're interested.  Spammer from Hell, too dumb realize you sent me same email 10 times, changed “dad” to “friend”, and changed e-mail and name. I hope you rot in spammers prison. "Hullo, I just discovered your ad on newyork craigslist. Did you get much response to $2000 rat seeking studio or 1 bedroom (upper west side)? I kept getting turned down by all the places i was trying to get into. Then my dad told me to get a free credit report from this website: http://melinda80.eb2a.com/co68f4vgpp/3428effect5qip.php The apartment owner was really impressed i took it to the viewing and got the place ahead of everyone else. Hope it works out for you. bye Mary Leach" “hullo” you idiot. Leach- perfect name for you, next time try Mary Cockroach, Mary Parasite, Mary Senseless Waste of Human Life

30 Duane Reades

There are supermarkets, 30 Duane Reades, excellent restaurants, bars and shops all around you. Simple open kitchen that gives you some room to manuver but you could use one of those butcher blocks with wheels. (at which time you would no longer have any room to “manuver”) Sorry No Pets. (Damn. I was looking forward to walking my dog past all of the Duane Reades.)Why would anyone care if they were near 30 Duane Reades? Hypochondriacs looking for inflated prices? $1995 Quintessential Upper West Side. Black walnuts on your doorstep. (huh?) $1699 No Fee UWS studio in the mid W. 70's that's perfect for a student. Translation: cramped, slum like hole in wall, too crappy for anyone else to consider.

What They Really Mean

QUAINT STUDIO ON 83RD STREET AND COLUMBUS.. GREAT LOCATION 5 MIN WALK TO THE B,C,1 TRAIN... CLOSE TO BEAUTIFUL RESTAURANTS AND SHOPPING... (Translation. Quaint = run down dump. Great location= the only good thing about the apartment. 5 minute walk to trains= you’ll be using them more often, because you’ll soon tire of living here. Restaurants and shopping are irrelevant, because you’ve spent all your extra cash on this overpriced dump.) SPACIOUS ENOUGH FOR SMALL SOFA/FUTON ++ QUEEN SIZE BED AND SMALL DESK.. (Translation: if you expect to fit those items in this apartment, don’t bother bringing any of your other possessions, don’t be overweight, and don’t expect to walk around the apartment without bumping into everything.) Gut Renovated 1 Bdrm. Translation: they’re still building it. Bring your hard hat, anti-asbestos gear and hope for the best. $1995 / 1br - Open House Monday - Great 1bdrm near Central Park (Upper West Side) Super location near the park, subways and all the stores and shops you'd need. Showing today for immediate move in; Hardwood floors, great light and windows. Walk up 3 floors. Recently renovated Pets ok. (It would have been nice if they gave location. Is it a new contest; the person who finds the open house gets the apartment?

Why I Hate Craigslist, Part 4

$1695 / 1br - WHY BE "KING OF QUEENS?" LIVE IN MANHATTAN! PETS: We allow 1 pet per apartment under 12lbs, no exceptions! (better put your kitty or pup on a diet before moving into this building) $1595 70s W PRISTINE STUDIO!! RESTORED B/S!! ACTUAL PICS!! (Only a broker would guess that B/S stood for Brownstone. Everyone who has ever dealt with a broker would guess otherwise. . .) $1500 / 2br - total splendor in this 2 bedroom apt in ridgewood queens (Upper West Side) Did someone move Queens to the Upper West Side? LARGE STUDIO W. HUGGGGGGGEEEEE LOFT SPACE.. GREAT LOCATION LOCATED ON 73RD AND WEST END AVE.. ( ok we get it. . . you can take your thumb off the keys, now.)

The Monsters of 63 West Realty

$1195 SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAYYYYY!!! **STUDIOS FOR RENT @ LINCOLN CENTER** SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAYYYYY! Come One! Come All! ...to the event of the century when The MONSTERS of 63 West Realty SLASH prices and CRUSH the competition when we declare WAR on high prices! You'll experience THRILLS! SPILLS! and BONE CRUNCHING CHILLS...when we offer Studio Apts in a Full Service Building for $1195.00 dollars a month! Get down to 244 west 64th street ANY WAY POSSIBLE, whether its Train, Bus, Plane, Bike, Rickshaw, Hangglider or the ever so popular Long Island Railroad...you 'll pay for the full seat but you'll ONLY NEED THE EDGE!!! Where? 244 west 64th st When? 10:30am to 11:30am Why? What? are the odds the management company are MONSTERS, the thrills start after you move into this dump, the rent goes up, and the monsters ignore your complaints and maintenance requests. For kicks, I Googled the name of building and got these reviews: Never Never Never! Years at this apartment: 2008 - 2009 NY-New-York-63rd-West-This place is awful. Everything we have keeps breaking and the repair people never come to fix it, and when they do it's broken again two days later. Our elevator has been out for the last nine days. Today it was finally fixed and now the water is out, without any warning and no sign of coming back. If this were a one time occurrence, I would understand but this happens constantly. Never rent here. The most heinous place to reside. From: -Anonymous- Years at this apartment: 2009 - 2009 If you are interested in dumping your hard-earned money into a terribly small, noisy, mouse-infested apartment, look no further! I lived at 63rd West in a studio apartment for a year and a half. The apartment was so tiny, and the wall of the apartment did not reach the floor, so I was constantly seeing people walking past my apartment. These are highly expensive units, thin walls, and right next to the projects. You might as well save your money and pitch a tent in Central Park instead of renting an apartment at 63rd West. Nice place if you like housing projects... Years at this apartment: 2007 - 2009 This group lists their address at 244 W. 64th to entice you to see the apartments. Half of the apartments face 63rd st. 63rd is a dead end loop that ends at the famous "Amsterdam Houses". these are a 4 block long section of city housing projects which basically cut off the "63rd West" apartments from the rest of the UWS area. I refused to live there, had a friend that figured it was safe enough. Wait till you get targeted by the next door neighbors, beat by a gang of them, and have to watch the police scratch their heads and do nothing about it. Mixed in with these reviews are phony reviews that management company published using fake names. Clearly, creativity is a job requirement here. They must get unemployed fiction writers or ad execs to come up with this stuff.

Why I Hate Craigslist, Part 3

$4200 Luxery Deals on short term rentals (Upper West Side) Central park house is a great place to live, accross from Central park. PRICE IS SUBJECT TO CHANGE 159 a day 1250 a week 4200a month Flat pannal tv! This is not a realestate company and we are not brokers (nor are they spellers)so there is no fee what so ever. This deal wont last!!! price is subject to change (this ad has been running since the 1st copy of the New York Times was published) $1950 / 1br - ++NO FEE++ CENTRAL PARK DUPLES (Upper West Side) Duples? Don’t realtors have spell check? Call me Now to see this Amazing Apartment!!! Showing Today morning and afternoon!!! Eran. Grammar would be too much to ask. Eran you should change your name to Erun as in, E run back to school. Here’s an ad that will repel everyone (except perverts and college brats): $1920 Forget the Dorms... 24 HR Drman, Roofdeck, lounge, gym & more!! Complimentary Beer Bong with rental (Upper West Side) $2150 / 1br - ~~~NEW IN MARKET~~~AMAING DEAL~~~ (Upper West Side) $1400 / 1br - Studio in Prime UWS for only $1400 **NOO FEE** AVAIL AS SOON AS 8/1/09 (Upper West Side) Contact you? **NOO WAY $2195 / 1br - Newly Furnished Central Park w/up Apt with outside space Showing++ (Upper West Side) Must be good person/s. Available right away. *BEDROOM LARGE ENOUGH TO HOLD A QUEENS BED Well, that’s a bit personal $17875 / 4br - LUX DRMN—Stun’g C.PARK/Linc Ctr/B’way Views!—grnt/mrble/W/D—Prestine! (Upper West Side) U R ask’ng all that rent and U cn’t even spell out the description? Sh’me on u! Image may not be of the actual apt., but is typical of apts. in this building. Translation: image is never the actual apartment.Only thing in common with real apartment is four walls and ceiling, and even that is not guaranteed. FULLY FURNISHED-AVAIKLABLE ASAP.SHORT OR LONG TERM. $2200 / 3br - ((NO FEE)) ~80 WUS~ WOW!! Brand new ALCOV STUDIO (Upper West Side) YOUR SEARC ENDS TODAY!!! This apartment is the BEST value for YOUR money!!! Gigantoc studio 580 SQF ,totally renovated,Brand new spread kitachen with all new appliances Just got renovated full size bathroom. Don’t let this GREAT DEAL to pass you by. (This is too easy. Insert your own wisecrack.) GOURGEOUS PRE WAR BUILDING I have a great 1 bedroom in my building it was just renovated and is ready to move it Query: why do brokers post their photos? Who gives a sh*t what they look like? And most of them are ugly!!!We want to see the apartment, not your ugly mug. Maybe if George Clooney posted an ad, I’d have a different opinion. ENORMOUSE STUDIO ON UPPER WEST CLOSE TO 1,B,C TRAIN That might be good for the rat. . .or a cat. $2550 / 1br - ....... LIVE LIKE A CEO / SPEND LIKE A JANITOR ....... (Upper West Side) Contact Aaron anytime (Seriously) That is so offensive on so many levels. Where do I begin? Let’s call him at 4 a.m. and say (Seriously), I represent the janitor’s union, and 5000 of us are on our way to your home. We’re carrying large brooms and intend to take turns shoving them up every one of your bodily orifices… You pompous ass. L@@@@K·Entire Furn2 Bedrm Apt 4 Rent·Safe·Clean·Out of State Welcome· Go F@@@@K yourself

Greetings From Mexico

Here’s a note from Mexico. Greetings... Rat... My Wife and I enjoyed your ad very much. We ran across it while we were looking for someone. We are in Puerto Peñasco Sonora Mexico... Rocky Point as it is called in the States... about 3 hours drive from Phoenix... google if you like much comes up. We realize that you are wanting to stay in New York but  we had to drop you a line. S and A.

Rules

Rules of thumb when searching for an apartment: When they sign “best”, expect the worst. When they sign “cheers”, it’s not too cheery. The better the location, the crappier the apartment. Columbus and Central Park West, 60’s to 80’s are worst offenders. Check records for bedbug reports. When the ad shows a street sign or photo of the park but not of apt, forget it! When the building provides complementary shuttle transportation to subway and bus stops, it should also provide a bulletproof vest and police escort. When you see canned photos of wax museum replica of doorman, stuffed animals and a bimbo with big implants squatting over a yoga mat, forget it. Avoid captions with @@@@*****!!!!!WOW!!!! and indecipherable abbreviations.

Sometimes, Less Is More

P.S. Your ad was hilarious

Two More Craigslist Postings

Time for two new postings, because, yes, I am that bored. . . $2000 New arrived from Kazakhstan seeking very nice housing (Upper West Side) Date: 2009-07-29, 12:31PM EDT. I starting big movie career and has made me arrive to new York. NEed very nice apartment to entertain the peoples, much space to fit 300 familly members and 14 wifes when they arrive to visit. Have many pets, horse and cow. HAve big trust fund. Need big studio or 1 bedroom, indoor plumbing. Thank you, Very nice. And another. . . $2300 Spirit seeking place to grow (Upper West Side) Date: 1969-12-31, 7:33PM EST I passed away 2 weeks ago. My spirit has just returned to the city. I want to haunt an apartment like the prewar gem that I used to have: 1 bedroom, good closets to hide in, good light and windows to drift in and out of. Doorman preferred, and live in super.I need all the help I can get since I no longer have fingers. Elevator not necessary since I float. Great financials. Contrary to popular belief, I could take it with me!!!!!

Swampland In Miami

Why am I relieved at not finding an apartment? I’m not sure which scares me more: not finding an apartment, or finding one. Moneywise, it really would be cheaper to have the baboon knocked off. Where is Tony Soprano when you need him, with a built in defense of justifiable homicide? One final e-mail: -----Original Message----- From: me To: Swindler@findadump.com Sent: Tue, Jul 28, 2009 3:24 pm Subject: Re: NEW APT!!! The apartment's not for me. Thanks anyway. . but please let me know when a portion of the Brooklyn Bridge becomes available; I’d love an ocean view. Can you hook me up with some swampland in Miami? What a surprise; she hasn’t responded. Damn, I was hoping she’d try to sell me a portion of the Brooklyn Bridge. Good riddance, thanks for the material. Next. . .

More Worst From "Best"

More of the worst from Ms. Best. . . Subject: NEW APT Cheryl !!! I just got a NEW listing for an apartment NOT being advertised. It's a one bedroom on West 69 Street -- beautiful street. Amazing one bedroom apartment !! If you want to see it, I can have Dummy show it to you today. I would normally collect one month fee on this (since I have a real estate firm) -- but if you want it -- then I'll work something out with you -- as a favor. Let me know! Best, * To:Best. Can he show it 5:30 ish? Thanks! From: Best. You and I seem to be on our computers at the same time. The owner wants $2500 I may be able to get it for you at $2200 -- lowest. And instead of charging you one month (which I charge everyone -- I would only charge you $1000). Best thing about this: 1. Unique one bedroom apt - which I think you will love 2. I process all paperwork 3. I will greenlight you -- but -- pls, no stalling -- other people want to see this apt -- if you like it be ready to apply for it tonite?? OK?? Best. As a FAVOR?$1,000 dollars? If this person ever shook my hand, I would immediately count my fingers (or maybe she would just take the entire hand and sell it back to me for only $1,000 ) If this was the Taj Mahal of west 69th street, I probably wouldn’t rent from someone this unscrupulous. But curiosity prevailed. . . To: Best. what time? 5:30 in front of LANCOME / Columbus 69 Street Good Luck!Best. The closer it got to 5:30, the more I asked myself “What are you doing?” the best I could come up with was “It won’t be a total waste. I can get cookies at Magnolia Bakery, or grab a smoothie at the gym. Plus it will make great material for the journal.” The real truth: I wanted to see the apartment. It occurred to me that looking for the perfect apartment is like dating. You go through many toads, get many stories, laugh, get frustrated, cry, experience great hope and crashing disappointment, feel humiliated, second guess yourself and, hopefully, eventually find someone you can love, or at least tolerate. You may have to lower your expectations at some point, and reset your priorities. Hmmm. . . I’ve never been one to lower my expectations. Maybe that’s why I’ve never been married. After I made the appointment to look at the apartment, I felt like I was getting ready for a bad blind date. I was already planning my exit strategy, practicing how to say “no”. My stomach began to ache, and I could hear my mother saying, “Give it a chance.” There was a better chance of me standing in the Lancôme doorway, wearing nothing but a Bart Simpson mask over my hoo-hah than giving this chick money for an apartment. I prayed that I wouldn’t like the apartment. Dummy approached, 10 minutes late, and we went around the corner to the apartment. Location, perfect. It was a prewar walkup that smelled like George Washington’s horse had just taken a crap there. We walked up a flight of steps to a 1st floor apartment. The ground floor apartment is known as basement. Northern exposure, great if you’re a vampire or allergic to light. Big windows, mirror. Doll sized stove, smallish kitchen with dogsh*t brown cabinets. Small, dark bathroom, but I’d seen worse. 70 square feet, including a sleep loft and storage loft. I don’t like steps and am afraid of ladders. I climbed up the steps to the sleep loft and learned that unless you’re a Munchkin or one of Snow White’s companions, you can’t stand up. “Why don’t you show this apartment to Vern Troyer, Mini Me, Tinkerbell, Mickey Rooney, and the guy from Different Strokes who always said “what choo talkin’ ‘bout, Willis?” “You can fit a king sized bed in there” chimed Dummy. What a gift for sales this guy had. “Sideways?” I added. “For a tiny king to sleep in?” “Is there a live in Super?” I asked. “No.” “Who do I contact if there’s a problem?” Silence. He looked as if I’d asked him to solve a nuclear physics equation. “I’m not in love with this apartment.” $2200 for this dump? With all the apartments I’ve seen, I know the value is $1800, tops. No wonder it’s not being advertised-it’s an embarrassment. It’s unique, all right-unique that anyone in their right mind would want to live here. I’d love it? Is she greedy, and nuts???!! “Do you want to look at the other apartment again, from last week?” “Sure, what the hell.” On the way, I tried to make small talk. It was the longest three blocks of my life. “How long have you been doing real estate?” “Four years.” “Why did you become an agent?” “I got tired of selling recalled Ford Pintos. My boss said I’d be a natural at real estate.” “How long have you worked for her?” “Three months.” “Where were you before?” “I’d rather not say.” Bernard Madoff Real Estate? Federal prison? “New Jersey.” What a pity. He could have found me my dream home in Piscataway. Ewwww. “Are you hoping to get into sales instead of rentals?” “Nope.” “Why not? I thought everyone did.” “Rentals are quick cash.” I thought of the $1,000 for nothing. "You're not kidding. . . " The apartment wasn’t as bad as I remembered. It was worse. Under 300 square feet, under construction; an asbestos emergency waiting to happen. Electricity-gouging AC/heat compressor took up one fourth of the apartment. Lovely northern exposure where sunlight never comes. The doorman was even more charming than I remembered. I think he passed away two years ago and nobody told him. “I’m not in love with it. Thanks for showing me the apartments.” “Do you want to make an offer?” What part of “I’m not in love with these apartments” did this imbecile not understand? “No.” Wow, that was easier than I thought. I walked away, happy and relieved. Wait a minute. Why am I relieved at not finding an apartment?

The One That Got Away

Where do I begin with this response to my normal “seeking quiet studio or 1 bedroom” ad... -----Original Message----- Subject: $2000 Quiet Studio or 1 Bedroom Wanted-Upper West Side (Upper West Side) Hi.   I have an apartment on 72nd St @ Columbus. I can show it to you today. The rent is $1950 month. This is a two bedroom apartment with 1 and a half bathrooms. My father (88 yr old retired journalist) uses the 2nd bedroom and half bath a few hours a day for a few days a week. You would have the place to yourself every night and most weekends. And full use of the full bathroom.   Pre-war, doorman, two elevators plus service elevator. Laundry in basement.   Let me know if you want to see it today. I have to leave to the airport at 5pm, so I can show it up to 4:30..   thanks, A My office mate encouraged me to respond. It didn’t take much encouragement. To: A. Subject: Re: $2000 Quiet Studio or 1 Bedroom Wanted-Upper West Side (Upper West Side) Hi A, Sorry I can't make it today to see the apartment, but I cannot get out of work. I'm curious. . .where is your father the rest of the time? What does "most weekends" mean, and who else would be joining me when I don't have the place to myself? What building is it? Thank you, C. Here’s the response. . . My dad lives with his wife on West End Ave. No one else would have access to the apartment, so it is all yours when he is not using the 2nd bedroom as his office. As for the weekends, he initially told me he doesn't use the office on the weekends, but I have since learned that he occasionally needs to swing by to get something or check email... but I can ask him to minimize that, and to be sure to let you know if he needs to come by during the weekend if that would be better for you. The apartment is on the 7th floor at 41 W72nd St. Doorman building currently remodeling the lobby. 2 elevators, plus one service elevator. laundry in the basement.   I head back to SF this evening, but if you want to see the place and meet my dad, I can arrange that.   thanks, A.     I really wanted to see this apartment and meet the old man, but my office mate talked me out of it. Just my luck, he’d have a heart attack, expose himself, or something else horrific would happen. I’m tempted to write to him and see if it’s still available. I really want to see this apartment. . .

Am I Serious?

The rat responses continue to arrive. . .The award for the best broker inquiry goes to Mor, who had the following brilliant response to the rat's craigslist posting: ************************************************************************** Are you serious? MOR. ************************************************************************* Mor, are you stupid? Do you have a sense of humor? I think not. I have a great slogan: Mor = mor than stupid. Full blown idiot.

Even An Inmate Can Get An Apartment

Let’s see. . . can an inmate get an apartment? $1975 newly released inmate needs apartment (Upper West Side). Date: 2009-07-27, 1:57PM EDT Reply to: hous-hgcjj-1291628528@craigslist.org. I have great financials and excellent credit. I did my time, ready to spend my dimes on nice apartment. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Uh; yes. . . platinumpropgroup to hous-hgcjj-1291628528 Welcome home I have several apts in that area contact me http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/hou/1291628528.html Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile Call me re apts 646-287-****

Why I Hate Craigslist, Part Two

A NICE STUDIO IN LINCOLN CENTER (about 200 sq ft.) PERFECT FOR STUDENTS AND YOUNG PRIFESSIONALS. (Perfect for kindergarten students? Dwarf students? Young people who can’t spell?) Apt for rent close to all hurryyyy west harlen (Upper West Side) Yes, I’ll hurryyy to "west harlen", as soon as you can prove it exists! *************************************************************************** My Normal CL Ad (in pertinent part): $2000 Quiet Studio or 1 Bedroom Wanted-(Upper West Side) ************************************************************************** Abnormal Response To My Normal CL Ad: "hello. i saw your post in craigslist that you are looking for apartment, i am stockbroker in banking presently in for seminar on stock exchange.i would love to rent out a flat to a friendly person who could be a companion,honesty , accommodating, kind, and always be truthful ,even when i feel meeting Him/Her. Also the flat can be occupied by single and couples. However,my apartment Flat is very comfortable flat on ground of brand new duplex flat 70square mater each sides of the rooms Located in quiet residential area , with numerous shops, bars, restaurants & amenities close by. Furnished 1-bedroom apartment he amount per month is 1500 dollar security deposit for damaging bill is 200 dollar waiting to read from you as soon as possible" WTF???

In The Race For An Apartment, The Rat Is Winning

Another set of Spambags(combination of spammer/scumbags) sent the same message from 12 different fake yahoo accounts promising to find an apartment for the rat, if the rat provided his social security number. Let's hear it for the future stars of America’s Dumbest Criminals! It's nice to know that a rat with great credit can get an apt from an owner-unbelievable. Furnished, no less. . . "As a landlord I own and live in a brownstone on the Upper West side on 89th St betw. Central Park West and Columbus. I have available starting August 1 a 2nd floor furnished very charming and quite one bedroom apt overlooking a garden. Minimum 3 months with option to renew $2500 (monthly) utilities are included Cable TV/Hi speed internet. If you are interested call L"

Better Off Being A Rat

What did I learn today? The rat got 15 emails offering to help find apt. The ad saying "identity theft/cannot order credit report" got nothing but an email from a real estate agent saying "I can’t help you." Better to be a rat, or someone with no credit history at all.

Rat Seeking Studio

Time for another CL posting; I’m that frustrated and bored. . . Rat seeking studio or 1 bedroom (Upper West Side) Date: 2009-07-24, 11:08AM EDT I've been displaced from my 2nd avenue abode due to construction of the subway. Other displaced rats have been dug out of their homes and ended up with me. It's too crowded! I want to move across the park to the Upper West Side. Since Gilligan will get off the island before the subway is complete, I need to move now. Seeking quiet, sunny location with good closets to hide in, and decent kitchen to raid. My credit is excellent. I work for the Barnum and Bailey Circus, training elephants. I am a retired actor; I starred in Ben. it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests within minutes, the rat responses begin to arrive. . . my name is xxxxx and im an agent with rapid realty, i would love to help you find a place this weekend. you can check rapidnyc.com to find many of our no fee apartments available, be sure to leave me the reference numbers to the ad, if you see something you like give me call 307-123-5141 thank you Hey, putz-aren’t you supposed to do the work?

Monstrosity For Rent

Sample ads confirming Why Craigslist doesn’t work. Query: Why don’t brokers learn how to type and spell? WindowedAlcoveHotcakes*2left4AugMvIn*FreeGym/pool1stYr*24HrSvcs*WhlFds (Upper West Side) WOW!!!! MONSTROSITY ON PARK-WILL NOT LAST!!!! 2500 WHITE CLOVE BUILDING-1 BR. $3699 / 3br - *** Great 3 Br/2 Bath in the low 80's! New!! Cahracter! (Upper West Side) Fee Disclosure: nine. (FYI genius broker): mon·stros·i·ty. Pronunciation: \män-ˈsträ-sə-tē\ noun Inflected Form(s): Date: 15th century 1 a: a malformation of a plant or animal b: something deviating from the normal : freak2: the quality or state of being monstrous3 a: an object of great and often frightening size, force, or complexity b: an excessively bad or shocking example